广州市 2021 年一模考试 作文 分析
第一节
假定你是李华,上周你校举办了首届生活技能云端展示活动,主题为“劳动创造美好生活
( Work Creates a Better Life)”。请你为校英文报写一篇报道,内容包括：
1.活动主题；
2.展示内容(烹任、急救等)；
3.活动反响。
注意：
1.写作词数应为 80 左右；
2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
Possible version
The First Online Life Skills Show
In an effort to enhance students’ life skills, an meaningful event themed “Work Creates a
Better Life ” was held online in our school last week.
Many impressive activities were presented, two of which enjoyed highest popularity. First of
all, a senior chief cook from a local five-star hotel was invited to instruct us cooking skills and its
safety rules. Our second favorite is the first aid activity. Five doctors were invited to give lectures
and demonstrate how we should conduct the first aid in the emergency.
This event has received much appreciation from students, who has acquired much valuable
knowledge and skills to better serve our lives.
解析：
1，审题：题材为新闻稿：
2，交际目标：传递清楚信息，表达出对活动的赞扬
3，谋篇布局：1)Paragraph 1, 文章点题 +中心----活动主题
2）Paragraph 2 ,支撑段落，具体阐述活动内容，措辞提现文章中心
3）Paragraph 3 ,总结+评价----活动反响
4.草稿
P1:
句型“In an effort to……, an ……event themed “Work Creates a Better Life ” was held +
其他” 为比较通用的活动介绍的开篇句型, 此句型把活动目标+主题+活动举办的时间，地
点都包括进去了。In an effort to…为了…致力于（sy: with the aim of/aiming at /in order to）
Enhance ……skills. 提高…技巧。 Meaningful, 点出文章中心，为 P2 的细节描写与措
辞埋下伏笔。
P2:
段落展开方式：总+分
段落主题句：Many impressive activities were presented（主句）, two of which enjoyed
highest popularity（非限制定从）. “impressive” 印象深刻的，牛逼哄哄的; “present” 呈现，
展示（sy: show, exhibit, demonstrate）, “ enjoy popularity”受到欢迎/喜爱 (be liked most).
细节 1：
First of all（连接词）, a senior（高级的） chief cook from a local five-star hotel was invited
to instruct us cooking skills and its safety rules。 “instruct sb sth”指导某人某事，有手把手，详
细呈现之感，比 teach sb sth 更准确，更生动！
细节 2：
Our second favorite （最爱）is the first aid activity. Five doctors were invited to give lectures
and demonstrate（展示） how we should conduct the first aid in the emergency（紧急救援）.
“conduct the first aid”比“do first aid”更具体!
P3.
This event has received much appreciation from students, who has gained much valuable
knowledge and skills to better serve our lives.
“ receive much appreciation” 受到称赞 与 “enjoy high popularity”有异曲同工之妙！
“gained”收获，习得 ， gained….比“learn”更准确生动！ 注意“learn knowledge ”
为“中式英语”！
5，检查篇章，段落逻辑，语法错误+誊抄
第二节
阅读下面材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整的短文。
It took place in a teachers’ family. One day, Ben was playing basketball in the living room
after school, when he accidentally threw the ball at a vase sitting on the shelf. The vase dropped to
the floor and a large piece broke off. What made Ben more upset was that the vase was not a
common decoration but an antique, which was handed down through generations from the 18th
century. It was also his mother's favourite possession. To cover his terrible action, the terrified boy
glued the pieces together hastily and put the vase back to its place.
As the mother herself dusted the vase every day, she naturally noticed the cracks(裂纹) that
evening. To her surprise, the repair work was actually very good. At dinner time, she asked her
boy if he broke the vase. Fearing punishment, the suddenly inspired boy said that a neighbour’s
cat jumped in from the window and he couldn’t drive it away no matter how hard he tried. It raced
around the living room and finally knocked the vase off its shelf. His mother was quite clear that
her son was lying, for all the windows were closed before she left for work each morning and
opened after she returned. However, in the face of her son’s nervous eyes and the suspicious looks
of the other family members. Ben’s mother remained calm. She realized she shouldn’t just simply
blame and punish her son for lying. She came up with another idea.
Before going to bed, the boy found a note from his mother in his room, asking him to go to
the study at once. The boy thought he would now be punished but, as he had already lied, he was
determined to deny everything to the end, no matter how angry his mum became.
In the study, calmly bathed in the light, his mothers face showed no sign of anger. On seeing
her son push open the door and cautiously enter, she took a chocolate box out of a drawer and
gave him one.
注意:
1.续写词数应为 150 左右
2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答
P1: The mother said, "This chocolate is a reward for your imagination: a window-opening
cat!”
P2: Now with some chocolates in hand, the boy’s bad attitude disappeared.
Possible version
The mother said, "This chocolate is a reward for your imagination: a window-opening cat!”
The boy hadn’t expected this humous but intelligent remarks which destroyed his lies so easily
and undisputedly. A mixed feeling of stupidness, shame and fear crowded on him, but he still
muttered: “but you forget closing the window!” Instead of arguing with him, the mother took out
another chocolate and said calmly :“The second chocolate is given for your effort to fix the vase!
The crack and the glue will always remind me of your care for me!” Hearing this, the boy’s face
flashed, too awkward to utter a word, which was interrupted by his mother’s remarks “ And the
third one was for your courage to face the problem though it’s a little delayed!”. She then handed
those chocolates gently to him.
Now with some chocolates in hand, the boy’s bad attitude disappeared. He thought of all
those days when his mother was trying to teach him to be honesty and to be responsible. He
thought of all the troublesome problems caused by his lies and fear of punishment. All of a sudden,
he realized that it is honesty and courage rather than lies and cowardness that can fix the problem
and relieve oneself. With this thought, he gathered his courage and apologized “Sorry, Mom, it’s
me who broke the vase but I will anyhow cherish it with my heart and soul from now on !” His
mother smiled heartedly and said “the fourth chocolate is a reward for your progress in
self-reflection!”
解析
1. 仔细阅读前文：总结前文的人设，中心（隐性/显性），情节 三者的一致性
本文：1）人设：男孩撒谎，怯懦 但也非常敏感，否则也不会对妈妈的感受与外在表情
那么敏感。妈妈，文章很少直接描写妈妈的心理情绪，一直处于主导，理性的角色。因
此下文情节种注意人设的统一与发展。
2）情节：小孩子打碎花瓶但很细心地沾上了；小男孩靠灵感撒谎； 妈妈毫不费
劲地看穿孩子的谎言但在人前保住了孩子的自尊；妈妈决定把小男孩叫到书房巧妙地教
育孩子。记叙文的情节的特点：服务于人设，服务于中心，服务于下文。与人设无关，
与中心无关的情节会被一笔带过或者略过。所有的情节也是下文的情节发展的“因”“种
子”。正是有这样的“种子”才会结出下文的“果”。所以，下文写作种要注意到重要情
节的呼应。
3）中心：通过文章的人设与情节，作者想要表达的中心：在妈妈的巧妙引导下，
孩子明白了撒谎是愚蠢的，诚实和勇敢面对才能解决问题。
2. 情节构思
P1:承上启下： P1:The mother said, "This chocolate is a reward for your imagination:
a window-opening cat!” P2: Now with some chocolates in hand, the boy’s bad attitude disappeare.
要做到承上启下，小男孩在人设上应该是：一开始仍然试图撒谎，一开始肯定慌得一匹到后
面一点点卸下防备。妈妈的人设应试找了几个理由来奖励孩子巧克力，一步步巧妙地戳穿孩
子的谎言但又巧妙地维护了孩子的自尊，让孩子放下对她的恐惧。 所以，情节的设计应该
是妈妈的奖励理由和孩子的内心活动变化为主。
P2: Now with some chocolates in hand, the boy’s bad attitude disappear. 男孩的糟糕态度消
失了. 所以，本段在情节上需要设定男孩子的反思。开始明白他的撒谎，他的怯懦，开始明
白他需要勇敢面对错误。升华文章中心。
3，引用所学的肢体语言与桥断进行仿写，创造！
本段要引用人物紧张下的情绪，肢体语言，人物反思自我的表达方式，以及母亲得知男孩成
长后的欣慰肢体语言。
紧张，不安：The boy hadn’t expected this humous but intelligent remarks which destroyed his
lies so easily and undisputedly. A mixed feeling of stupidness, shame and fear crowded on him,
but he still muttered:
Hearing this, the boy’s face flashed, too awkward to utter a word,
母亲的淡定与欣慰
Instead of arguing with him, the mother took out another chocolate and said calmly
She then handed those chocolates gently to him.
His mother smiled heartedly
人物的反思套路
He thought of all those days when his mother was trying to teach him to be honesty and to be
responsible. He thought of all the troublesome problems caused by his lies and fear of punishment.
All of a sudden, he realized that it is honesty and courage rather than lies and cowardness that can
fix the problem and relieve oneself. With this thought, he gathered his courage and apologized
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