话剧《新守株待兔》

搞笑小学英语小品剧本《新守株待兔》人物：农夫，兔子A，兔子B，大树。农夫：I’mafarmer.（稍停顿）[走两步]Acoolfarmer.（掏出墨镜戴上）[冷酷地走两步，突然被绊了一跤，继续保持冷酷]Eh...WhenIwasyong,Istudiedin49PrimarySchool.So,I’mrichnow！[开始展示名牌，边说边掏]Look！Thisismymodernmobile——iphone6！Thisismywatch!ThisismyMP3!Thesearemyshoes——(夸张低沉地)ADIDAS!Thisis…[不经意地掏出一个苹果]Oh,sorry.[扔掉苹果]It’sthis![从怀里掏出痒痒挠]Doyouknowwhat’sthis？痒痒挠？Nonono~~Youareout!!It’smymodern——锄头~！！[看下表]      Itistimetodosomefarming！[开始弯下腰做出锄地的动作]树：I’matree!Icandomanythings!Icansing![做出疯狂摇滚歌手的动作，哼哼哈西！！！]Icandance![跳四小天鹅]Oh?Therecomesarabbit![引导观众看兔子A)。树站回后台]兔子A：OK,I’marabbit.NowI’mjustwalkingaroundhere.[农夫继续锄地，边锄边上场，突然看见前面有个兔子]农夫：（惊喜地）Lunch！[扔掉痒痒挠]Iwillcatchit！[偷偷摸摸地跟到兔子后面走][农夫跟在兔子后面。两个人走啊走。兔子突然回头。农夫假装看手表。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装看天气。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装打手机。两人继续走，兔子回头。这次农夫冷酷地把枪口对准了兔子。]兔子A：Wahhhh~!（吓一跳）Whatdoyouwant?农夫：Huh…！IwillkillUforlunch!兔子A：Wah~~~~~~[兔子跑，躲到树后面，农夫追到树前]农夫：Where~togo?Haha![农夫开了一枪“砰”(配音)。兔子在树后惊慌躲闪，没被打到。树做出受伤中弹状。农夫又开枪，同上。农夫开始加快频率，火力密集地开枪。兔子开始时惊慌躲闪，躲着躲着跳起舞来。树继续痛苦中弹状。]兔子A[自我陶醉中，边跳舞边说]Youcan'thurtme!Youcan'thurtme！树：[痛苦万分地]But…you…Hurtme….[痛苦地慢慢挪动到兔子背后][兔子继续兴奋地跳舞。农夫停止开枪，走到兔子面前，看着它。兔子猛然抬头发现]农夫：Ahha~!Byebye![举枪对准兔子，开枪，没声音，看看枪，示意没子弹了。兔子见状，非常兴奋地大笑起来]兔子A：Hahahaha!Youcan’tkillmenow！[兴奋大笑，笑到抽筋，笑到后仰。突然头撞倒了后面的树]Wa！[倒地]农夫：OH![很兴奋地过去两个手指提起兔子]Mylunch,Icaughtyou!!![把兔子绑到树上。打呵欠]tired!I’lleatyouaftersleeping.[倒地睡觉]（打鼾的声音）兔子A：[兔子很快醒了，看看四周，发现自己被绑了，很惊讶]WhereamI?Whathappened?树：[指着农夫]Hehascaughtyouandwantstoeatyou. 兔子A：What?!Imustleavehere!ButhowcanIescape？[东张西望，看到农夫的手机]A mobile![解开绳子去看手机]It’sNokiaWC250!Wow,howfashion![放回原处。又自觉地把自己绑在树上。突然想起来]Amobile！MaybeIcancallsomeonetohelpme！[又不知不觉地把自己放出来，那起手机][做出打电话的样子](配音：拨电话)Hello？兔子B：Hello!It’sJenny.                    兔子A：HeyJenny！                兔子B：Oh,heyMary!兔子A：Howareyou?                                    兔子B：Fine,thankyou.AndU?兔子A：I’mfinetoo!Howareyourparents?                    兔子B：Theyarefine,thankyou.AndU?兔子A：Theyarefine,too!Howisyouruncle?                   兔子B：He’sfine,thankyou!AndU?兔子A：He’sfine,too!How…        兔子B：Eh..eh..eh~wait.Butwhydoyoucallme?Ifyouwantborrowsomemoneyfromme…NOWAY!!!兔子A：Nonono!I’mindangernow!Comeandhelpme!!!兔子B：Butwhereareyou?                  兔子A：I’munderatree!兔子B：[边打电话边在附近走，经过兔子A面前，两个人还没发现]Whatcanyouseearoundyou?兔子A：Iseearabbit…thatlooksexactlylikeyou!兔子B：Arabbit…likeme…OK!I’llfindyou.Justasecond!Waitforme!Iwillhelpyou![匆匆离开][兔子A打完电话，小心翼翼地把手机放回农夫处，然后又很自觉地要把自己绑回了树上]兔子A：Haha!Myfriendwillcomeandsaveme~!yeahOh!Hurt!Call110~Or119?112?...Oh,forgetit!I’mdying![作喉咙卡住声音，死去][兔子B上。]兔子B：I’malsoarabbit！I’msmart!I’m lovely!AndI’m(作风情万种)beautiful!（自我陶醉）[转头看自己右手边，却发现兔子A倒在地上]Oh,my!MaryI’msosorry,Mary!I’mtoolate!5555555~~~~~~Mary![痛苦而夸张地转身敲打树]树：Oh!Oh,don’thitme.!Don’thitme!I’m~~brea~ken![朝地上倒，压倒兔子B]兔子B：What?NO..NO!~~...I…can’t….breath……(作死了的声音) [农夫一觉醒来。看见两只兔子]En..?Tworabbits!IrememerIhavecaughtjustone?!Oh,thanksgod!HowluckyIam![兴奋地一手提一只兔子，哼着小曲下场]